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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27399121">I Lived (I owned every secound this world could give)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weird_Weeb_101/pseuds/Weird_Weeb_101'>Weird_Weeb_101</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Death, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru Angst, M/M, Ooc iwaizumi, Out of Character, Sad Ending, Short One Shot, Sick Oikawa Tooru, kinda short</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:49:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,504</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27399121</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weird_Weeb_101/pseuds/Weird_Weeb_101</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa Toruh was giving a new meaning to the fraise 'Scared to death'.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Lived (I owned every secound this world could give)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>// Addisons Disease is a hormonal disease in which your body can not produce adrenaline hence creating extreme paranoia and fear enough to literally kill someone. Its one of the top ten worst disease to die from.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Iwaizumi wasn't the type to socialize for fun, it just wasn't him. He'd much rather be as he is currently in the library studying. It wasn't that he didn't like spending time with people, but every now and the the loud noises in the gym and constant yelling tended to get the better of him. </p><p>Alone with himself and his homework immersed in the silence of the library, it was a quick chance at quiet bliss that he happily took. Away from the loud noises of volleyball's and the constant 'Iwa-Chans~'. It was plesent but lonely, tho more present than lonely. </p><p>It took him very little time to finish his studies with no distractions. While packing up his work he noticed another person in the library. He blinked in shock when he saw the familiar face. </p><p>There instead of in the gym where Iwaizumi assumed he practically lived. Oikawa was sat in the back corner of the library headphones over his ears and clean white papers in his hands. His glasses sat on his face letting Iwaizumi know Oikawa was definitely reading what ever was on those pages, he assumed homework.</p><p>Part of Iwaizumi, the part that had known Oikawa his entire life and knew the star setter hated reading anything that wasn't sports related was worried, but the rest of him (the stronger rest of him) said he was fine and chose to ignore Oikawa. Maybe Toruh was just finally taking his 3rd year exams seriously?

</p><p>_________________________</p><p>It had been a week since Iwaizumi had noticed Oikawa going to the library and his confusion grew each day, Oikawa was now a regular as he seemed to retire to the library everyday before practice. Oikawa was one of those people who just didn't have to study to get amazing grades he was just naturally intelligent. So he had no idea absolutely no clue why Oikawa would need to go to the library so much. And not knowing was starting to piss him off. </p><p>Iwaizumi storms into the gym all the juniors staying as far away from him as possible since they saw he was clearly in a foul mood. He looked around for the brunette captain. He spotted in in the corner of the gym placing ear plugs into his ears. He storms over practically seeing red just as he was about the scream his name coach covered his mouth. </p><p>"Easy there Hajami what has you so rattled" Coach asks removing his hand. </p><p>"The fuck is up with Trashykawa hu!?" Iwazumi asks angrily "he doesn't yell out during practice anymore, he doesn't go to classes, he hasn't even yelled Iwa-chan once this week!" </p><p>"Your not aware?" Coach asks confused. </p><p>"Aware of what!?" Iwazumi asks getting more pissed off by the secound especially with the geezer talking like he knew what was happening. </p><p>"Its not my place to say Hajami but... maybe talk to Toruh after practice, but please quietly" coach begs. </p><p>Quietly, ha! He was gonna give Shittykawa a peice of his godam fucking mind after this, how dare he avoid him all week and not even text him once! He was so getting a ball to the skull.<br/>
__________________________</p><p>Practice was as it had been all week, quite and without complements or commentary from their captain, Oikawa still played perfectly despite all of that tho but everyone was still thrown off by it. Even his calls for players or left and right were just to quiet. Not that he noticed with those stupid ear plugs in! How selfish could he get, was he trying a new training tactic? </p><p>Iwaizumi walks outside looking for Oikawa who hadn't even gone to the changing rooms to change out of his sweaty gym clothes, Iwaizumi hopped hed catch a glimpse of the setter but he hadn't, which meant he'd have to pay him a visit. </p><p>But when Iwaizumi arrived at Oikawa's home rather than be greeted by Oikawa he was greatted by his mother who told him immediately Toruh wasn't home and dismissed him. Were all Oikawa's just out to mess with him now!?<br/>
</p><p>Monday came around and Iwaizumi had ditched class because he knew at this time Oikawa would be at the library doing what ever the fuck he was doing there. And He wanted answers!</p><p>He walked into the library and sure enough right at the back in the corner of the library on the floor was Toruh Oikawa, earbuds in, phone in hand and papers and books beside him. Iwaizumi would have said that this picture was quite pretty and the man in it was pretty in the dull light, but he was the same man who had avoided him all week and weekend, ignored his calls and texts, and was hiding something from him. So right now anger clouded his vision. </p><p>"OI SHITTYKAWA!!" </p><p>"AHH!" The scream that left Oikawa's lips was bone chilling, it had stopped iwaizumi straight in his tracks. </p><p>Oikawa held his chest as his breathing picked up and tears pooled in his eyes while he slolwy looked over at Iwaizumi. </p><p>"I-iwa-chan?" Oikawa let out a strained whisper. </p><p>All anger left Iwaizumi's body at tge pitiful scene infront of him as he walks over confused and worried. </p><p>"H-hey what are you crying for im not that scary.. is it cause I called you shitty i.. didn't mean it" Iwaizumi says confused his hands hovering over the fragile looking Oikawa. </p><p>Oikawa had never cried infront of anyone of his team members and Iwazumi had only ever witness him tear up once back in middle school. But this was borderline panic attack hysterical. It broke Iwazumi to see his best friend this hysterical all cause he shouted. </p><p>"I-iwaizumi" </p><p>Oikawa's scream had shocked Iwaizumi sure but the whimper that left Oikawa as he struggled for air had shocked him to his soul. He only used his real name when he was serious so what ever all this was.. was serious. </p><p>"Im here.." Iwaizumi says eyes wide and panicked he gently takes Oikawa's hand.</p><p>The librarian who must have heard the scream gasps and rushes over in bare feet, Iwazumi swore she always wore heals but he wasn't focused on that Toruh needed help. </p><p>"I-i don't know what happed" Iwaizumi says desperately. </p><p>"Here Toruh" The librarian says as she takes Oikawa's other hand and places it on her chest "copy my breathing sweetheart" she whispers.</p><p>Oikawa who was now red in the face and puffy eyed shakiky copied the librarians instructions as they sat doing this for at least five minuets before Oikawa's breathing had stabilized. </p><p>"Can I..  talk?" Iwaizumi asks nervously. </p><p>Oikawa simply nods as he tries to compose himself whiping tears from his face tho his hands were still shaking. </p><p>"C-can I touch you?" Iwaizumi whispers as he sits next to Oikawa. </p><p>Once again Oikawa nods as Iwaizumi wraps one of his arms around Oikawa and pulls him gently closer to him, Oikawa curls his legs to his body and leans on Iwaizumi's shoulder. </p><p>"We need to talk.." Iwaizumi whispers. </p><p>"Yah..." Oikawa whispers back.<br/>
__________________________</p><p>Iwaizumi took off his shoes as he walked into Oikawa's home, after a long day of worrying over Oikawa after his episode in the library Iwaizumi had nicely demanded he walk Oikawa home and stay with him since it was a Monday and Toruh's parents were never home on Mondays. That and for the talk he was promised. </p><p>Oikawa finally took out his earbuds and threw his phone and the commented earbuds into the corner of his room. He sits on the bed and pets next to him while looking at Iwaizumi. </p><p>"Sit down Iwa-chan you said you wanted to talk" Oikawa hums. </p><p>"I've been really scared this past week Toruh" Iwaizumi whispers shocking Oikawa "you weren't talking to anyone, you were ignoring my messages, I didn't get called Iwa-chan once and now with that thing in the library just.. please tell me" Iwaizumi says a certain stern tone to his voice that told Oikawa no was not a option. </p><p>"Ok" he whispers "but you can't yell, or be upset" Toruh says as he stands up. </p><p>"No promises" Iwaizumi says as he rests his elbows on his legs watching Oikawa walk to his bed side table and pulled out some familiar looking papers and just hands them to him without a word. </p><p>Iwaizumi looked down at tye papers confused, bad test score? Maybe his knee he didn't know, what he read was definently not what he expected. </p><p>"H-how.. how long has" he looks up at Oikawa who was crying. </p><p>"O-over a month.. I was diagnosed over a month ago when my mother noticed how tiered I always was, dad blamed volleyball but she got worried and dragged me to hospital" he sobs hysterically. </p><p>"Toruh" Iwaizumi sobs as he drops the papers and wraps his arms around Oikawa's hips crying into the setters stomach shaking "why didn't you tell me dam it i could have helped" he trembles.</p><p>"Iwa-chan there is now help" Toruh cries "I had a hearattack when they diagnosed me.. and they said it will only get worse until eventually I will just die" </p><p>"Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up" Iwaizumi growls shaking "no you can't die i won't let you die" Iwazumi says clinging to Oikawa's shirt. </p><p>"Hajime.. im scared" Oikawa whispers.<br/>
__________________________</p><p>"ADDISONS DISEASE!?" The Aoba Josai volleyball team yells looking at coach. </p><p>"Yes Oikawa has been diagnosed with Addisons, he asked me not to tell anyone but you should all know now that Iwaizumi knows" Coach says with a nod "Oikawa will have to leave Volleyball before the spring tournament most likely, but we will help him through this!"</p><p>The team all nod some of the juniors tearing up at the thought of their captain not being around anymore. It was heartbreaking even tho they made fun of him, a world without Oikawa didn't seem like a good one. </p><p>Oikawa smiles as he sat in the library. After being diagnosed with Addisons disease his doctor had advised him to stay away from loud places like classrooms and sports, but of course Oikawas pride pushed him to find loopholes in the rules, its where music came in handy, one song he was particularly fond of and would listen to on loop to drown out all the loud noises...</p><p>Iwaizumi tapped his foot beside Oikawa creating just a small sound as Oikawa looks over and sees him and smiles. </p><p>"Hey" Iwaizumi says sitting down. </p><p>"Iwa-chan uou know you don't have to gaurd me" Oikawa hums smiling. </p><p>"Shut up im doing this cause I want to not for you.... I just.. I dont know I feel, I dont want you to die Toruh.." Iwaizumi mumbles as Oikawa looks at him sadly "how do people even die from Addisons disease? I know you've been researching it" </p><p>"Stalker" Oikawa smiles as Iwaizumi smiles at the small glimpse at Oikawa's reguoar humor "its a hormonal disease basically i can't produce adrenaline which is your natural fight or flight reflex, and because of that it's like my brain processes that everything is trying to kill me or endanger me.. he said noises are the most dangerous thing for now but once more symptoms start to show the fear will get worse" Oikawa says sadly looking at his hands. </p><p>His hands were covered in blisters and calluses from volleyball, it would be so strange when months from now hed look at his same hands but they would be clean and soft void of any sports damage. Iwazumi took one hand in his softly holding it as Toruh looked at Hajime and the two just sat like that. </p><p>__________________________</p><p>Oikawa was right when he said that it would only get worse, it was a month later when his first symptom showed up, extreme fatigue. Iwaizumi noticed how tiered Oikawa looked despite not having any bags under his eyes and Iwaizumi knowing Oikawa hadn't played any late night volleyball, he had trudged into the gym and nearly collapsed. </p><p>Iwaizumi gasped and ran catching the fragile man in his arms. </p><p>"Dam you and your pride you should have stayed home if you were this tiered Toruh" Iwaizumi says sternly. </p><p>"Sorry Iwa-can.. im fine" Oikawa says as he stands up leaning on Iwazumi's broad shoulders. </p><p>"No your not im taking you home" Iwaizumi says as he taps Oikawa's leg as a way of warning him he was going to pick him up to which Oikawa nodded. </p><p>Iwaizumi calling Oikawa Toruh was a regular thing now, he hardly ever called him Oikawa, most people thought he felt bad so was just trying to make Oikawa happy but the truth was he was doing it for himself, he wanted to call the beautiful setters name as many times as possible, endlessly and for the rest of his life. He wasn't ready to except Oikawa was dying. </p><p>"This is the first symptom" Oikawa whispers holding Iwazumi's neck. </p><p>"I know" Iwaizumi whispers, its true he didn't know since Oikawa had given him a copy of the letters from the doctor so if Iwaizumi noticed something he didn't he could tell him </p><p>"Were you going to tell me i looked exhausted?.." Oikawa whispers. </p><p>Guilt struck Iwaizumi hard, Iwaizumi spended all his free time with Oikawa, they were neighbors so it didn't really matter how much time he spent with Oikawa since they were childhood friends, but what Oikawa had said was true. Iwaizumi had noticed Oikawa seemed void of energy and overly tiered since last Friday..  but he refused to admit it, and as a result of his selfishness.. he hurt Oikawa. </p><p>"Im sorry Toruh" Iwaizumi whispers. </p><p>"Iwa-chan I need to tell you something" Oikawa says worried. </p><p>"No what ever it is I dont want to hear it don't say anything just go to sleep" Iwaizumi says as he continues to walk towards Oikawa's house. </p><p>Dissapointment flashed across Oikawa's face before he eventually gives into the temptation of sleep and passes out curled up in Iwaizumi's large arms his headphones on to block out any passing noise that could frighten the sick boy. </p><p>Iwaizumi looks down at Oikawa sadly as he tears up ever so slightly before he kept walking. He had to stop lying to himself, but it was so incredibly hard...</p><p>__________________________</p><p>The gym fell quiet when Oikawa stepped inside, all practice stopped as the team looked over at their weak tiered looking captain. </p><p>"Im here to say goodbye" he whispers with a sad smile as all the kohl's even mad dog, tear up and walk over crying hugging their beloved captain and setter.</p><p>"Oikawa senpai" Kindaichi whimpers as Kunimi sniffs the two first years trembling.</p><p>"Stupid im not crying" Kyotani sniffs as Oikawa smiles. </p><p>"I belive in you all" he whispers his famous line as all the boys cry even more as the hug Oikawa tighter. </p><p>"Hey careful" Iwazumi says extremely worried as he walked over.</p><p>Oikawa smiles once he broke free from his juniors and he Matsukawa and Hanamaki all sob as they hug. </p><p>"Dam it you use to be bigger than us" Matsukawa chuckles as all three chuckles sadly. </p><p>"Fucking dam it you can't die what are.. your" Hanamaki cries as Oikawa cries chuckling. </p><p>"It wasn't exactly planned" he says as hus breathing starts to pick up "i-i need to go.." </p><p>The Aoba Josai team watch as their captain limps out the door for the last time waving them goodbye all of them knowing fully well. They'd never see him again...</p><p>__________________________</p><p>Iwaizumi was walking the halls, it had been three weeks of him looking after Oikawa basically having became his body gaurd, the king like setter got more tiered daily often he would walk into the library to a sleeping Oikawa, and despite the growing bags, Iwaizumi coukdnt help but find him more beautiful each day. </p><p>Maybe it was because he could die soon and his mind felt guilty for all those years of treating him like shit, or perhaps it was because now the cocky persona that Oikawa kept up was dropped he got to see Oikawa as himself, he saw him weak and emotional, he saw his true smile and heard his cute giggle and how he'd kinda snort. The lack of fangirls also helped Oikawa become more likable. </p><p>Iwaizumi turns into the library to see oikawa coughing tears in his eyes and vomit in his hand and on the floor next to him with the librarian rubbing his back. Iwaizumi runs as he takes off his jacket not caring for his school uniform at all at the moment and holds Oikawa's face gently. </p><p>"Iwa-chan" Oikawa cries trembling as Iwaizumi remains quiet as he wipes his mouth with the peice of clothing in his hand. </p><p>Oikawa calmed down with every gentle touch form Hajime, even tho it was gross and he was covered in his own vomit Iwaizumi just didn't seem to care at all. He wiped his hands then tapped his leg and Oikawa nods. Iwaizumi then gently lifts him into his arms and stands up.</p><p>"Lets see if the office has some spare clothes" Iwaizumi whispers as he places a hand over Oikawa ear pushing his other head into his chest in order to block out any very much not needed noisesince Oikawa's phone and earbuds had been left in the library.</p><p>"Thank you Hajime" Oikawa whispers tieredly his eyes puffy and his body exhausted from vomiting and his panic attack both happening at the same time.</p><p>"Anytime Toruh" Iwaizumi whispers.</p><p>Iwaizumi couldnt help but notice how thin Oikawa's legs were getting, he remembered how muscular his thighs always were to make up for his weak knee but they were thinner than he remembered, still looked like a athletes but not Oikawas. </p><p>"How long has the vomiting been happening?" Iwaizumi whispers. </p><p>"That was the first, I like to think I just ate something weird but.." Oikawa whispers back. </p><p>Who was this scared weak man in his arms. Sure Iwaizumi had admitted he liked Oikawa with his walls down, with no fans, no pride to keep up and he loved seeing his real self. But he hated his childhood friend looking so weak, and fragile. It was not his Toruh, and not in his Toruh's nature..</p><p>__________________________</p><p>The vomiting did not stop there, it got worse to the point where Oikawa could barely hold food down anymore, two weeks after the vomiting started Iwaizumi had a third year run into his class to tell him Oikawa had passed out in the hallway choking on vomit. </p><p>The sentence made everyone in the room gag and freak out thinking it was drugs or alcohol the star setter had been using to cause something like that but Iwaizumi jumped from his desk and followed the third year without even asking permission from his Sensei. </p><p>He arrived in the hospital wing and slowly walked over to the sleeping Oikawa, a small smile was on his blue tinted lips. He was wearing a Uniform far to big for him, one of the spares the nurse must have had. </p><p>"Toruh" Iwaizumi whispers as Oikawa hums. </p><p>Iwaizumi smiles sadly as he brushes his thumb over Toruh's bottom lip gently causing the brunette to stir but not wake. </p><p>"I know you must be so scared Kawa.... but I'm scared... im so scared of losing my bestfriend, and watching him fade day by day.." Iwaizumi whispers to the sleeping Toruh as he kneels down "I love you" he whispers so quietly he almost didn't hear it himself. </p><p>He spent the rest of his school day in the med wing with Oikawa just watching him sleep and wondering if he was at peace in his dreams, if he wasn't scared in the dream that had brought a smile to his face.</p><p>__________________________</p><p>"What are you doing" Iwaizumi smiles as he sees Oikawa lazily dancing around his room, not graceful at all weak limbs flopping around as he spun clumsily.</p><p>"Iwa-chan" Oikawa smiles as he takes his earbuds out "I thought you weren't coming today" he smiles. </p><p>"Yah the folks would have to lock me away in some prison cell first before that would happen" Iwaizumi smiles as he sits on Oikawas bed "hows things" </p><p>"My mother is talking to the doctors tommorow but she is very insistent that I withdraw from school very soon" Oikawa smiles sadly. </p><p>"And your pops?" Iwaizumi asks worried. </p><p>"Loud as ever, still doesn't think there's a single thing wrong and this is all for attention but I have noise cancelers now so I just wear them when he's home once a month" he shrugs as he sits next to Iwazumi as he always does. </p><p>As per routine Iwaizumi taps Oikawas leg as Toruh smiles and takes Hajime's hand and places it on his leg both with small smiles on their faces as they looked at one another. Iwaizumi's dark almost black eyes met with Oikawa's light coffee brown eyes and both seemed draw to one another.</p><p>It was despite them having known eachother since pre school, the first time Iwaizumi had taken a good look at Oikawa's eyes. They were truly beautiful. People always commented how beautiful Oikawa was, and Iwaizumi always denyed it, but his fluffy brown hair, clear skin tho paler than it once was, his soft skin and gorgous eyes. He was beautiful.</p><p>"Iwaizumi.. your leaning in" Oikawa says eyes wide in shock. </p><p>"Oh shoot sorry!" Iwaizumi yells backing up suddenly causing Oikawa to jolt "s-shoot" Iwaizumi whispers out a stutter "Toruh im so sorry just breath ok" Iwaizumi whispers as he places Oikawa's hand on his chest. </p><p>The two sit like this for a while, it felt like an eternity but it was really only ten minuets or so. Oikawa's breathing once again stable and having thrown up all his lunch, the sick brunette waddles back into his room having brushed his teeth and Iwaizumi having cleaned the trashcan Oikawa kept beside his table to throw up in. </p><p>"You didn't have to Iwa-chan" Oikawa smiles. </p><p>"Giving you a panic attack im aloud to clean your trash can Toruh" Iwaizumi whispers looking at the floor his arms rested on his legs as he staired at the ground "im" </p><p>"Dont say sorry" Oikawa whispers as he sits sadly beside him "I hate when you say sorry to me like you've done something when you haven't, you've done so much for me ans it's only been a few months since I told you" Oikawa whispers. </p><p>"Its cause I love you" Iwaizumi says looking at the ground with blurry eyes "fuck I-" </p><p>"Dont say it" </p><p>Iwazumis looked up in shock to see a crying Oikawa, thinking it was another panic attack he reached for him, but Oikawa's breathing was fine and he wasn't gaging trying to vomit anything. He can't remeber the last time he just saw Toruh Oikawa just cry cause he wanted to cry. His eyes glassed over almost brought him peice except he cause him to cry. </p><p>"Toruh.." </p><p>"You can't say you love me when I'm dying Hajime" Oikawa whimpers hiding his face "you can't love me that's not fair on you" he sobs. </p><p>"You really think I care" Iwaizumi asks gently scratching on Oikawas hand. </p><p>Oikawa slolwy moves his hands away from his face to see Iwaizumi's eyes stairing into his once again, Oikawa's glassy coffee eyes meeting Iwaizumi's adoring dark ones. Oikawa coukd feel fear rush into his tummy at that look, but not the kind of fear he had grown accustomed to, not the anxiety fear, or the fear that caused him to pass out, the fear that made him cry and shake and would one day kill him. </p><p>This fear was a gentle fluttering of nerves in his stomach as he watched Iwaizumi's hand move to hold his cheek gently as if holding a wilting flower or a wounded animal of some sort. </p><p>"You think I care your dying Kawa? Cause I don't... your beautiful, and brave, and so so strong" Iwaizumi whispers resting his head on the sobbing fragile boys head their noses touching "i love holding you, and feeling you and I want to be here with you" he whispers. </p><p>Oikawa could feel Iwaizumi's breath against his lips as he trembles and holds Iwaizumi's shirt tightly his fingers digging in like claws. </p><p>"Iwa-chan" he whispers as he looks at him "is this pity? Are you gonna regret" he chokes on a sob as Iwazumi places his thumb over his lips. </p><p>"Dont ever say that.. im not shallow nor do I pity you, if anything you being sick, spending this time with you, you haven't had the strength to keep your walks up... and its made me love you even more" </p><p>Oikawa cries as he feels fireworks egnite when his lips gently and softly met his beloved Iwa-chans. Oikawa always thought his love would remain one sided until Iwazumi found some pretty smart young woman to marry. Turns out he liked fragile withering boys such as himself. </p><p>Oikawa clings to Iwazumi's shirt tighter as one of Iwaizumi's hands lay on Oikawa's cheek and the other on Toruhs hands. Their lips slowly disconnected as they both looked at one another silently, not because they didn't know what to say, and definently not because it was Awkward. But because it was absolutely perfect and no words could describe the feeling of euphoria they felt. But it shouldn't have felt that way.. </p><p>"Iwaizumi" Oikawa whispers. </p><p>"If your gonna die.. I'll be dammed if I'm not gonna love you every secound until then Oikawa.. cause fuck I love you, and I'm sorry it took this long for me to figure it out" Iwaizumi whispers still close enough Oikawa could feel his breath.</p><p>"Im sorry, I wish I wasn't dying and then" Oikawa says trembling "then we could be.." </p><p>"We can be a Toruh, we can and we will, so be selfish for me" Iwaizumi says holding Oikawa's trembling hands flat against his chest "be selfish.." </p><p>"I like you two" Oikawa bursts out as his face was immediately being drenched in tears that Iwaizumi took the individual time to slolwy wipe away "i like you.. I shouldn't but I do" Oikawa sobs. </p><p>"Hey" Iwaizumi says tilting the shaking boys head to face him "nothing is going to stop me loving you.. your alive Toruh, your not dead yet so don't live like you are" he kisses his left eye as Oikawa whimpers "were together in this ok" he whispers as Oikawa nods. </p><p>Iwaizumi taps Oikawas lips just as he did usually when he wanted to make contact with him as a warning. Oikawa simply nodded as their lips met again and Oikawa was gently scooted into Iwaizumi's strong arms his chest against his as he mimicked Iwaizumi's breathing to stay calm. </p><p>Iwaizumi wasn't offended that Kawa hadn't said he loved him. He understood why, he was trying to protect them both. But maybe Iwaizumi also wanted to be selfish. </p><p>"Comw on Iwa-chan" Oikawa smiles as he pulls Iwazumi to his feet "dance with me" </p><p>"Dance?" Iwazumi chuckles as Oikawa nods "but there's no music"</p><p>"Who cares" Oikawa smiles as he holds Iwaizumi's shoulders. </p><p>Iwazumi places his hands on Oikawa's hips with a smile S the two clumsily dance around Oikawa's bedroom happiky immersed in one another.</p><p>__________________________</p><p>Sure enough Oikawa was forced to withdraw from school but during that time he had gained Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi would drop by first thing in the morning for check on him even tho oikawa was usually sleeping and would come by first thing after school and stay until Oikawa fell asleep. </p><p>"You know I realised something" Iwaizumi says as he was drawing patterns into Oikawas hip. </p><p>Oikawa who was happiky leaning on Iwaizumi's chest using his new boyfriend as a pillow turned to look up at him as if to ask what?</p><p>"Your always listening to the same song, and your always humming the same song, is it that good" Iwaizumi smiles as he reaches up to fiddle with Oikawa's hair. </p><p>Oikawa smiles as he takes out one of his ear buds and turns the volume up slightly for Iwaizumi. He restarts tye song and then presses play. Iwaizumi closed his eyes before the soft meoldy started playing. </p><p>'Hope when you take that jump you don't feel the fall'</p><p>Was the first line sung as Iwaizumi looks at Kawa. </p><p>"Whats it called?" He asks smiling. </p><p>"I lived, one republic" Oikawa smiles as the two lay there listening to the song in peace. </p><p>"I-I-I~ I did it all" Oikawa whispers in a sing song voice as Iwaizumi smiles rubbing the bags under Oikawa's eyes "I owned every secound this world could give.., and with every broken bone.. I swear I lived" he smiles as Iwaizumi smiles and kisses his head. </p><p>"I like this song" Iwaizumi smiles. </p><p>"I knew you would"Oikawa smiles.</p><p>"Oh did you now? Iwaizumi asks smiling.</p><p>"Mhm" Oikawa hums with a cheeky smile as Iwaizumi smiles at him.</p><p>"How did you know that?" He whispers.</p><p>"Simple youd like it cause I do" Oikawa smiles as Iwaizumi smiles back.</p><p>Iwaizumi taps Oikawa's lips as he smiles and nods and Iwaizumi leans down kissing him longingly on his cold lips. </p><p>Iwaizumi's were so much warmer than Oikawa's, but they molded so perfectly together it was hard to care about any weird temperature. Oikawa's eyes widen as Iwaizumi managed to slip his tongue between his lips and into Oikawa's mouth. Thank God he brushed his teeth. </p><p>Iwaizumi's hands found there way to Oikawa's poofy soft hair while Oikawa held Iwaizumi's huge shoulders as Hajime rolled ontop of Oikawa gently their bodys pressed together so Oikawa could copy Iwaizumi's breathing if he got to freaked out. </p><p>"I-iwa" Oikawa stutters as they break apart with a small string of saliva.</p><p>"I love you" Iwaizumi whispers as Oikawa smiles.</p><p>"I know" Oikawa whispers back holding Iwaizumi's face.</p><p>__________________________</p><p>Oikawa smiles as he gently hugs the crying Ravennete. Word had spread from school to school, about Oikawa being sick and soon it landed at Karasuno. No one would have expected Kags to rush over to Oikawa's home and crumble in his senpai's arms crying after having seen his once fearless senpai, pale and thin with bags under his eyes and a bin that smelt like vomit beside his bed. </p><p>"Hey Tobio-chan don't cry" Oikawa smiles. </p><p>"You promised you'd beat me" Kageyama sobs "you can't die you can't i won't let you" he whimpers quietly after having been warned by Iwazumi to be extremely quiet.</p><p>"Come er" Oikawa smiles as he pulls Kags weakly onto his lap. Kageyama tho he hated the meer idea of Oikawa a week ago curled up in his senpia's lap crying his heart out. </p><p>"I'll text you, no call, no I'll FaceTime and we can talk about volleyball" Kageyama cried "I won't be mean again.. I won't challenge you please don't die tho" Kageyama cries. </p><p>"Kageyama Tobio don't talk like that" Oikawa says with a smile "go to nationals for me my special junior" Oikawa smiles as he strokes Kageyama's hair. </p><p>Kageyama cries even more as he nods repeatedly.</p><p>"I promise I swear I'll go to nationals and ill bebtge best setter ever and and" Kageyama sobs.</p><p>p&gt;Oikawa teared up as he pulled his junior close both just crying in one another embrace.</p><p> </p><p>"Im so tiered now" Oikawa says laying curled up after Tobio had left with all Oikawa's old volleyball things Iwaizumi happiky took his place beside Oikawa again. </p><p>"You should sleep Babykawa' </p><p>"Baby..." Oikawa drifted off blushing as he smiles sadly while the two lay there in the comfortable silence they had established Oikawa taking an earbud out and handing it to Iwaizumi who took it graciously with a smile as they lay listening to what Iwaizumi had dubbed Oikawa's song.</p><p>"Im not use to you being so soft" Oikawa smiles. </p><p>"Shut it Toruh sleep" Iwaizumi smiles as Oikawa nuzzles close and falls into a peaceful slumber as Iwaizumi was left again smiling at the smile on Oikawa's face that he never saw anymore when he was awake. </p><p>__________________________</p><p>That small peice of security the two had established in one another couldn't last, it truly was the small amount of peice before the storm.</p><p>Iwaizumi woke up one morning to the sound of sirens outside his bedroom window, at first he thought he was dreaming then panic set in and he jumped from his bed and threw his window open. </p><p>An ambulance was next door as he caught the slightest glimpse of hair before the body dissapeared in the ambulance.</p><p>"No!!' Iwaizumi screams as he runs out not caring about the Godzilla boxers he was wearing as he ran outside his parents calling asking whats wrong "TORUH!" He yells as the ambulance drives off and Iwazumi falls to his knees crying as he trembles. </p><p>His parents ran out and frowned seeing their son screaming as he cried rubbing his face while crying hysterically. </p><p>"I need to go i need to be with him!!' He yells crying as he looks at his parents. </p><p>"Maybe it's better like this Hajime" Iwaizumi's mother says sadly as she holds his shoulder. </p><p>Iwaizumi's heart shattered as he looked up at his parents who looked down sadly at him. </p><p>"N-no i promised.. I PROMISED ID BE THERE!" He yells outraged "how could you say that!'</p><p>"Hajime were just trying to look out for you, do you realise how much time you've been spending with Toruh?" His mum asks "you've neglected your studies and" </p><p>"THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS DYING AND YOUR WORRIED ABOUT SHCOOL!!?" Hajime screams at the top of his lungs. </p><p>"Love?" His mum gasps covering her mouth "wait Hajime" </p><p>Iwaizumi didn't stick around long enough to listen as he ran inside and upstairs slamming his door, he slid down the door and cried as he looked up at his roof sniffling and tense as he hugs his knees.</p><p>"DAM IT!!!" He screams at the top of his lungs covering his ears with his hands. </p><p>__________________________</p><p>Oikawa sat in the hospital bed, in hospital robes that smelt of nothing but saline and sterile mixes. He watched as leaves fell outside his window. Red and oranges, browns and greens all dancing in the wind outside his window. Birds happiky flying and sitting amongst the trees.</p><p>Oh what it would be like to be a bird. To fly and be free, to not fear the things that lie oj the ground because you don't have to touch the ground. </p><p>Oikawa's mother had left for important business work which of course was more important than her dying son. Oikawa flinched when tyendoor opened and looked over his eyes wide. </p><p>"Pardon the intrusion" Ushijima says as he bows his head and walks in. </p><p>"W-wakatoshi?" Oikawa asks confused as he looks at tye large man who walks over.</p><p>"I heard from Kageyama of karasuno about yoyr condition, I hope you don't mind me asking after you" Ushijima says as Oikawa smiles slightly. </p><p>'Yah well I heard from Tobio-chan that Karasuno finally beat you guys down a peg" Oikawa smiles as Ushijima smiles back.</p><p>"You... look so" Ushijima says struggling for words.</p><p>"Sick?" Oikawa asks weakly. </p><p>"I was going to say different.. but yes" Ushijima nods. </p><p>Oikawa gasps as something warm and large was dropped over his shoulders, he saw the purple and white of the Shiratorizawa volleyball jersey and looks at Ushijima surprised. </p><p>"I dont need it.. and just in case you ever need something warmer than that" he smiles as he heads to the door. </p><p>"Thank you" Oikawa whispers "Wakatoshi..." </p><p>"Goodbye Toruh Oikawa" Ushijima smiles as he leaves.</p><p>__________________________</p><p>It had been weeks nearly a month since anyone had seen Oikawa, Toruh's mother refused to let anyone see Oikawa but she needed to go away on an important trip, Oikawa's parents had always been selfish like that. So she had messages Iwaizumi giving him permission to come over. </p><p>Iwaizumi had a bag packed full of things for Oikawa, boba tea, his phone and earbuds, his alien socks, his volleyball and other bits and pieces. Kageyama had come with him to visit his senpia as they arrived at the door only to see someone walking out. </p><p>"Ushijima?" Kageyama asks confused.</p><p>"Ah Aoba Josai ace and Kageyama Tobio" Ushijima whispers closing the door "i simply wished to visit Oikawa and wish him well" he bows his head. </p><p>Iwaizumi remembered Oikawa's great fear of the Shiratorizawa member and ran inside as Ushijima talked to Kageyama outside. </p><p>Iwaizumi stopped in his tracks at what he saw. Oikawa was thin very thin, his skin was pale parts of it even looking blue, his lips were bruised and blue, his eyes had huge bags under them, his hair was missing large clumps and his eyes looked so dull and sad. </p><p>"Hajime" Oikawa gasps as he sits up looking at the shocked Iwaizumi "Hajime?' He asks tearing up. </p><p>"God.. who are you" Hajime whispers as he walks over and holds Oikawa's face "its only been a month who are you" he sobs. </p><p>"I-iwa- Iwa" Oikawa cries as he nuzzles into his touch crying. </p><p>Iwaizumi pulls Oikawa to his chest as both of them cry when a loud bang echoed through the room and Oikawa screams at the top of his lungs. </p><p>Iwaizumi looks over and saw Tobio who had dropped the bag upon seeing Oikawa and stood frozen as he cried while oikawa trembled hysterically in Iwazumi's arms. </p><p>"Toruh baby please" Iwazumi begs as he places his hand on Oikawa's moving it to his chest. </p><p>"DONT TOUCH ME!" Oikawa screams as he scoots away his heart monitor beeping loudly in their ears. </p><p>"Babykawa let me help you" Iwazumi begs seeing the rapidly moving heart monitor as Kageyama hits the hospital alarm. </p><p>Nurses run in and see Oikawa hysterical as they rush Kageyama and a fighting Iwaizumi out of the room. </p><p>"Im so sorry!" Kageyama cries as he holds the door crying "im sorry I'm sorry" he cries. </p><p>"Its ok Tobio" Iwazumi chokes out tears falling down his face "I would have dropped the bag as well if I was holding it..." he whispers as he watches the nurses close the curtains around Oikawa's passed out form. </p><p>__________________________</p><p>Iwaizumi sat beside Oikawa's hospital bed holding his hand gently as Oikawa smiled listening to his music again, Oikawa grew thinner each day, paler, more hysterical and more weak. Iwaizumi could only watch as his soulmate slowly died infront of him. </p><p> The doctors had warned he was nearing the end of his life a few weeks ago and had unplugged him from all the machines and drips so he wouldn't have a heart attack due to loud beeping after last time. It had been a month of Iwazumi living in hospital with Oikawa. He refused to go home, do school work or anything that would require him to leave Oikawa for even a secound. </p><p>"Iwa" Oikawa smiles as he rubs his thumb along Iwaizumi knuckles. </p><p>Iwaizumi looked up to see his boyfriend crying as he looked at him sadly but with a small smile. </p><p>"Im scared Hajime... I dont wanna die yet" he whispers as Iwaizumi felt his heart shatter. </p><p>He climbed into bed gently laying Oikawa on him as he held him the two crying together, clinging to one another desperately. </p><p>"I dont want you to eiteher" Iwaizumi whispers weakly. </p><p>"I dont want to die Iwa I haven't done anything yet" Oikawa cries as Iwaizumi rubs circles in Oikawa's back. </p><p>Oikawa was cold to the touch, nothing but skin an bones under his hospital gown, most of his skin was now an ugly deep blue due to hyperpigmentation. Iwaizumi shivered at the feeling of the once warm muscular setter he held only five months ago and was now holding a skeleton. </p><p>"Iwa... would you sing for me?' Oikawa whispers tieredly. </p><p>"Sing?" Iwaizumi hums sadly as he closes his eyes "i-i-i I did it all~" Iwaizumi sings in a choked up voice "i-i-i I did it all, owned every secound the world could give" Iwaizumi sings sobbing as he hides his face in the sleeping Oikawa's shoulder crying. </p><p>__________________________</p><p>Iwaizumi woke early in the mornings, he was usually first awake anyway. He looks down at Oikawa and goes pale at what he sees, Oikawa was pale, his eyes open and grey as they looked horrified, his lips were blue and his chest wasn't moving. </p><p>"Kawa?" Iwaizumi whispers in disbelief "Oikawa? Baby?" Iwaizumi asks as he teared up "TORUH NO!!!" He screams as he berries his face into Oikawa's chest crying hysterically. </p><p>The small man was limp in his arms as Iwaizumi trembles screaming over and over again until his throat started hurting and nurses rushed in to remove the body from the hysterical boy.</p><p>"No bring him back give him back to me please I need to tell him I love him please!! He never told me he loved me" Iwaizumi cries falling to his knees punching the ground "he'll never say he loved me..." </p><p>__________________________</p><p>Oikawa Toruh died at 2:46 am due to a nightmare as the moment he woke he died... thats what the doctors reports said.</p><p>It was the worst way Iwaizumi could have imaged Toruh dying. Waking up to see black and then dying. He must have felt so alone..  and Iwaizumi was right there..  Oikawa lay dead in his arms for hours before he woke up and noticed.</p><p>Iwaizumi had returned home that night and his parents watched as their son walked in like a zombie void of emotion before he collapsed. His mother ran and held him in her arms as he cried into late hours of the morning.</p><p>He avoided school for weeks before eventually returning. The volleyball group was the first to great him as they all ran over crying hysterically as they all grieved their lost captain.</p><p>Iwaizumi went to Oikawa's house crying with every step he took as everything just smelt like him before he became infected with the smell of hospitals. It smelt like home and love as Iwaizumu wrapped himself up in Oikawa's blanket hugging the blanket around his body and he cried endlessly for hours. </p><p>He returned a week later and retrieved Oikawa's things, his volleyball things, his blankets, some of his clothes, and most importantly his captain's jersey. He lay in his room that night in Oikawa's jumper which was to small for him. But he didn't care. He was emerged in Oikawa again, and the feeling almost made him feel like he was behind him hugging him again..</p><p>__________________________</p><p>Months passed, moths turned into a year and nothing was the same. Most of Aoba Josai had quit Volleyball. The gym wasn't a haven any longer it just brought them an immense amount of pain. Iwazumi was never the same. He was quieter but kept in touch with his old team embers and some from other teams like Tobio, he believed Oikawa would have wanted him to. But he smiles as he sits by Oikawa's tomb stone as he does every Monday Wednesday and Friday. </p><p>"Hey babykawa... Im graduating soon... I even used parts of your graduation speech in mine" he laughs tearing up "God i miss you, I love you so much... and I know you loved me two" he says crying "Karasuno is going to nationals again" Iwaizumi chuckles "Oikawa took hinata on their first date last week, oh and uh Ushijima just got excepted into the nationals team with some setter called Atsumu Miya but you would have been better babykawa" he smiles wiping his tears. 

Iwaizumi smiled as hen traced the grave stone caressing the sides and stood up again heading to his car with a sad smile as he Imagined Oikawa sitting on the grave stone waving him and his ca4 goodbye as he pulled away crying. 

________________________</p><p>Iwazumi stood on that podium with his speech in hand as he staired at the crowd of blurry faces that meant nothing to him. He always thought he'd be valedictorian, get through shcool straight A's with a scholarship, hed be the captain after Oikawa and lead AobaJosai to victory just as Oikawa dreamed. He'd move into a place with Oikawa who would be in the nationals league, and he'd find a great job. The two would live happiky. But none of that happened</p><p>"Iwa-chan~"</p><p>Iwazumi frozen as he turned and saw the beautiful blue sky the shadow of a bird flying towards the sun and it made him tear up as he smiles through the tears. Oikawa talked about birds during his final few weeks, how he'd love to fly away with him one day, how they seemed so carefree and peaceful. </p><p>"Your at peace now baby... im letting you be in peace" he sobs as he looks at the crowd. He pulls Oikawa's number 1 jersey tighter around him and says the only thing he could think of since the papers were no longer readable through his tears.</p><p>"I swear I lived.."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I kinda teared up at the end of writing this but, I hope I did this idea justice and the haikyuu, iwaoi, sick characters Fandom proud. Honestly I'm quiet proud of this but I hope you all liked reading it.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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